I finally got my domain back. I had some financial and practical restrictions when I was due to renew my domain. When I can finally do so, I am being charged a lot in terms of penalty. As I do not have a budget for that, I let it go, hoping that it will be released in time. Now is that time.
I’ve had trouble writing in the past two years. I think the fear finally got to me. I’ve been battling with that fear for quite some time. I fear that what I write is not good enough, that I am not good enough. Then, I read Lippy’s writing about creating. The important thing is to keep on creating. No matter how bad you think it is, you must keep on going. This really hit me hard. Keep on writing. Even if its bad, even if it needs improvement. It won’t improve, it won’t be good, unless I write again. And I shall write again.
It was a beautiful past few years though. I went to a lot of places, met a lot of people, and had a great time experiencing new things. St, a friend of mine, told me once, that maybe I just need to experience these things so I will have a lot of things to write about when I have the time. Now, I intend to make that time. I hope I can translate all these great learnings to words. Maybe words wouldn’t be enough, yet, I will translate what I can.
I am still unable to finish Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way. I’ve picked it up and left it several times already. But I shall keep on reading it. It is inspiring me to write again. Details of my life and travels may get vaguer in time, but it changed me irrevocably. I want to use Proust in recalling these memories. It is a journey and it cannot be rushed. But moving forward, no matter how slowly, is important.
I now keep a Day in a Page journal, a gift from my partner Ian. Its helping me write as well. I fill it with thoughts and reflections. I may not write in it everyday, but I do try to catch up. I fill pages from my memories, even if its been a few days past. Memories will never be perfect, but what keep there can be perfect. Its as close as we’re ever going to get.